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I've even influenced things in the past boom tsssss. Yes that's one of my jokes that never gets laughs alongside a few other favourites. Maybe the rest of the world is right and my own brand of humour is crap and the reason I get laughs is because they're pitying me (that was cited as one of the reasons my Middlesbrough song got laughs by a chap from Teesside making constructive comments about it on YouTube, mind you nearly 23,000 hits, discernably bigger than the average Boro home crowd).
I don't know, didn't Socrates say that all he learned was that he'd learned nothing or something like that? Whatever, I've never been influenced by thinkers because they're other people and of course Jean Paul Sartre said hell is other people. Jean Paul Gaultier probably said hell is green mixed with blue or some other fashion rhetoric shite. Yes I know you're surprised that I'm not a big Gaultier fan.
Alexei Sayle is back. Sadly the bloke from Chortle that used to write for the Daily Mail has already reviewed him doing warm up gigs so the instantaneous magic has gone of discovering it for yourself. Mind you I do look forward to him coming to Newcastle or wherever in this neglected land, christ even if he came to Seghill or Backworth I'd enjoy it, probably because if you're going through Palmersville to get to those places, you'll see a few of my posters for my show on March 2nd at The Tyne Theatre (details on the home page).
Stewart Lee has been whingeing about people stealing his style. In an interview with the Irish Times he was critical of young acts taking on some of his on stage persona. It was 19 year old open spots he was aiming at. I hope they don't ape his real life career arc i.e. being an outsider and belittling the whole schmultzy showbusiness side of comedy, proudly proclaiming that you've never been to the comedy awards for years and then turning up to collect your, I believe it's called gong at the 2011 annual University boot lick presented by Tarby Ross. Watch out for him becoming the new presenter of Dancing On Ice replacing that professional Irishman but as about as Irish as me, Dermot O Leary. Does he present Dancing On Ice? I don't know, he might as well do. Anyway he's an Englishman desperately wanting to be Irish but also English when it suits, something the plastic paddys just don't get, pick your team Paddy sorry Dermot.
Gavin Webster, you cannot get a more Scottish name, yes Dad is a Scotsman but apart from willing England to lose at football and recalling Gemmill's mazy run against the Dutch back in '78 one of the best moments of my life, there's nothing I really dislike about England, the English and yes being a bloke born in Northumberland and brought up on Tyneside which is in England, fellow English people. I do draw the line at Essex Ingurlund and the whole home counties notion of being English. Also that Village Green Preservation Society, long shadows over the cricket pitch, spinsters on bicycles and warm beer nonsense. Mods have got a lot to answer for and so does people like Jeremy Paxton with their silly books about being English when it bears no fuckin resemblance to the England I was brought up in which has a lot more in common with the central belt of Scotland.
Anyway before I get all T Dan Smith, I must go. I'm in Liverpool at The Slaughterhouse and The Slug and Lettuce this weekend, get yourself down people of Liverpool but not if you're a pretend Irish person. Only real ones will I accept. Speak tomorrow la (see that's scouse!).
TODAY'S BLOG IS SPONSORED BY DAVE CHRISTIAN ANDERSON. HANS' BROTHER WHOSE STORIES WERE EVEN MORE WEIRD.
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