I do feel like a solitary confinement type character as I sit and scheme up here in the back bedroom of a mid terraced Wallsend house. I feel I should be working on a nuclear holocaust antidote, a cure to the common cold (sweat it out!!!!) or the answer to the meaning of life, not what sort of ukelele filth I can foister on the Tyneside public on March 2nd. Never mind, one day a great sitcom will emerge from this back room overlooking more terraced houses and it will be my passport to a semi detatched house overlooking more semi detatched houses!

I might as well let the loyal readership know that I'm in Edinburgh this year. The show title and ticket details and all that are going to be teased out bit by bit but I'm definitely up there again and at the same time as last year on a 5.50pm slot. Great news as far as I'm concerened. I'll work like a bastard (cos believe me bastards work hard) and make sure that it's fit for consumption for the people who like my sort of thing. I'm aware that there are swathes of people who frequent internet forums and certainly those who critique on line that think what I do is about as funny as a road accident but at least I'm aware of that and if there's any budding open spots out there, don't be put off by critics not liking you, invariably they don't quite get it, they think they do but for the most part they're social spastics who cannot see any soul, je ne sais quoi or anything resembling excitement, fucknutts.

Good on the Cardiff Millenium Centre for banning Frankie Boyle. Maybe as the proverbial rod for their own backs they can now go through with a fine tooth comb every bit of material written by all the other people passing off as comedians they book just so it doesn't affect the work they do with disabled children. Maybe if they employed someone to research people's observations and satire it would be a lot more efficient and they can BAN people quicker after some woman with dangly earrings or some bloke with a beard who likes Robert Palmer decides what is and isn't offensive. That would be another bit of Cardiff City council funds paid by the rate payer that could be siphoned off to another pointless white collar twit where there could've been money spent on two roadsweepers or something else I haven't had time to think of.

Right I must go now, I'm slowly going mad with all this writing and stuff, I need to stop. I'm going to write my blog every day for 20 minutes and when time's up, time is fuckin up! Expect me to stop mid sentence tomorrow. We'll meet back here then tomorrow morning. Stay free.

TODAY'S BLOG IS SPONSORED BY SALLY AND JAKE WITH GEOFFREY FROM RAINBOW DOING THE VOICEOVER.

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