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Yes this was the year that reviewers I'd say were being held in contempt to a dangerously high level. Of course as you know I don't allow Chortly man into my show and that's now two years in a row. I'm aware of three others though at the Stand that didn't want the guy in. I'm sure there's plenty more and it's getting rife elsewhere too with these non entitys with lap tops. As one of my colleagues put it, why can't reviewers just promote the stuff they like like John Peel did?! When you think about it John Peel wouldn't have bothered his arse going to a Go West concert or to see It Bites or Brother Beyond. In fact I don't think he had a problem with them or their stuff and to be honest he'll have barely heard of them and I bet some of you younger readers haven't which tells you about how long a pretty face lasts. But there reviewers go constantly going on 'club comic', 'clearly able circuit act', 'it must be hard for these club comic mongs to do a difficult Edinburgh show that they've got to write and stuff' yes to be fair I'm paraphrasing here!
Dave Longley did a brilliant thing and that was interview the reviewers as they came into the foyer and if they didn't seem intellectual enough, he'd not let them in. Ha ha man bites dog. On the last day Dave was reviewed. Some bloke from Fringe Biscuit or something of that order was in the audience. He asked him on stage what he was doing, the bloke explained he was reviewing. Dave had realised that the fucker had slipped the net. 'What is your publication?' Dave said, he then added 'Is it a newspaper or just an online wankfest?', the reply was classic from the bemused kid who'd had the tables turned on him 'It's an online wan....an online wa.......it's online.' Good on you Dave you made my last day.
Michael Legge was reviewed by some tit that gave him two stars. Apparently the whole review (which was took down) was so badly written all the way through apparently contained this gem 'Michael Legge is a one trick pony who's in constant danger of falling off'. There you go, a phrase making no sense whatsoever. Surely if you're the pony you can't fall off, logically you'd be the jockey?!! I'd love to see the review all the way through but that sentence does sum up these sixth formers with ipads does it not?
I will release my reviews on to the world in the next few days. There's still a couple to call in but when they're ready I'll unleash the fuckers. You can find them on line, good and bad, I've nowt to hide, I was proud of my show and that should be good enough for me but I won't let this go and the reason why I won't let this go with reviewers is because none of the bad ones I got or other people got ever contained the words 'not for me', or 'despite the crowd, who were a wide dynamic laughing like drains, this left me cold'. No, they always make the review sound like you were bombing.
Back in 08 and 09 when I was playing in front of 7 Radio 4 listeners or half a dozen sleepy folk half of which were from Belguim, I would get silent hours, so yes I would have no leg to stand on when chortly and Somerville and co used the collective bullying of a bad audience to berate me, but nowadays at the fringe where my audiences are small-ish but loyal and dedicated GW supporters come along to cheer me on, they cannot bellyache with that one about how 'the audience agreed with me' without sounding like the polit bureau or Lord Haw Haw.
Right that's your lot today, more musings tomorrow. I watched Citizen Khan last night, the first episode of some box ticking stuff on the BBC. It felt like I was watching UK Gold and some long forgotten ITV shite written by the bloke who did Mind Your Language and Love Thy Neighbour. It's good to be back to the grind. Hopefully speak tomorrow. I've some half decent announcements to make later this week. Howay the lads!
TODAY'S BLOG IS SPONSORED BY THE TROUBLED WATER THAT THE BRIDGE GOES OVER. DON'T DRINK IT.
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