Apparently in last night’s episode of Midsomer Murders, they had their first non white people in the programme, they were Asian……..corner shop owners. Ha ha nice one! Why is anyone bothered about a silly billy programme like that? It doesn’t represent people in real life anyway. By the sounds of it, the corner shop folk will be lucky to stay alive, every fucker dies in that particular programme so I‘m told.

Great to know that I didn’t watch telly last night and get the chance to see such nonsense through boredom and thus channel flicking. No doubt that option would have been more favourable to me watching Leeds v Everton on Sky according to other senior directors in the Webster household but enough of my domestic television disputes!

I was driving all the way down to Chichester (the one on the south coast not the backward place near South Shields!) so as a result there was no blog yesterday. As I drove, I realised that the hire car that I’d hired last week that had no dipped headlights working, still didn’t have any dipped headlights working. Shite!! I had to do that side light alternating with the full beam thing for the last leg of the journey. I was alternating between being nigh on invisible to blinding fuck out of other motorists. It felt like I was Lister trying to land Starbug on a godforsaken dark planet somewhere in deep space. Apologies to the nerds for the only simile to do with Sci Fi that I have, because apart from Red Dwarf, I wouldn’t know anything about the bloody subject.

The gig itself was the typical student fayre. Freshers a whole generation younger than me, a general malaise of indifference and puzzlement and me and the audience just wanting it to be done so I could get back to my Travelodge and them wanting to get off with one another.

Afterwards I nipped into the Weatherspoons across the road from my digs. A couple of hurrahs recognised me from the gig. I was watching BBC News 24 on the telly in the pub and this feller with long hair and a handlebar moustache complimented me on my show then looked at the screen and said in a Tim nice but dim voice ‘Yah the worlds in a bladdy awful state’, he then asked me if I’d like some red wine. A decent lad but how fuckin posh?!! Another hooray said well done then him and his pal and a woman agreed that they should get more champagne. One of them said that he’ll join them as soon as he’d quote ‘spoken to his lady friend on the phone’, it’s gone full circle now, the rich are at Uni and the poor, they’re not even doon the shipyards anymore, they’re on prescription drugs on estates. I know I sound like Diane Abbot but it’s true.

Anyway it’s Southend tonight so I do have to dip my head into the dunk tank of Essex very briefly. It’s Leeds tomorrow and then Bournemouth on Friday. At the moment I’m off on Saturday and of course it’s the great grower Assembly on Sunday.

Right enjoy Mitvach, speak tomorrow.

TODAY’S BLOG IS SPONSORED BY HARTLEPOOL AND IT’S MARINA