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And it ended in a whimper truth be told. There'll be no claim of RAPING it or telling people that I TWATTED the gig on these pages. I won't tell the world that I MELTED it or that the club will need a NEW ROOF when the truth is a whole lot different when it comes to gigging every night. I'd say I do have a bizarre life but a one rooted in reality and I don't tell porkies about the quality of my performance or more importantly other folk's reaction to my sweary words.
Saturday started with a nice one in Chester. I opened. Fortunately Matty Reed was compering (Fence Houses' finest) and brought me on to a crowd who wanted to hear witty and charming stuff, not a cavemen rabble wanting to see a TWATTING!!! They were not at all bad and I got out a reasonably intellegent set to them. I can't wank it up too much in the comedy clubs but I'd say I am pushing it a bit these days and when they're a good crowd it shows up my skills, however when they're a bit mainstream, I'm not very welcome up there to say the least. The 'aren't men and women different' types can always piss all over me in the chicken in a basket circuit shows.
I flew up the M53 afterwards to Liverpool to close Baby Blue. There was more in than the Friday night but it still was semi empty. As it happens they weren't a bad crowd at all, that's two nights in a row a club with a reputation of semi meat headedness comes up trumps and gives me a pain free weekend. It was back to Chester for a few drinks and a chance to see the Chester City goalkeeper drinking in the Laugh Inn bar. We'd seen him that afternoon playing against Frickley. I know it's hardly A list, that was to come the next day.
I stayed in Chester and took advantage of the extra hour in bed to go to my photo session with Andy Hollingworth at 10am. About halfway through, who should walk in but Jesus of Nazareth himself Robert Powell. Fuckin mental!! Andy had blagged his way into doing a few shots of him as he sat next door reading the paper in the theatre. He was a great bloke though admittedly a bit actory. It was nice to talk to him about The Detectives which was in my view a very funny show with one of my comedy heroes Jasper Carrott. He was the bollocks in that, playing it totally straight like he was doing a serious drama like the great sitcom performances of the 20th century from great actors like John Le Mesiurer as Wilson in Dad's Army, Prunella Scales as Sybil in Fawlty Towers or Harry H Corbett as Harold Steptoe.
I got my photo done with him lots of times by Andy the best photographer in christendom, no doubt the best one will be laminated and end up in my snooker room in a few years, you know the one with a mariner style bar, a dartboard and a couple of leopard skin futons with the Wurlitzer juke box and the photo of Frank Clark coming out the tunnel with a ball under his arm on the wall.
Last night was the last night of the proms or last night of the cunts unfortunately people. My Edinburgh show 'All Young People Are Cunts' (yes I can say it now, the real word was cunts) was given it's final viewing in East Yorkshire. There was only about 60 or 70 in the room at Pave in Hull truth be told and I have to say, I did pepper the show with bits from my set however it was sad to be saying goodbye to my most succesful Edinburgh show and a one that got more infamous through the title rather than anything else. Goodbye Cunt show, not as good as 'Webster's Pictionary' I'll be first to admit but some great heights hit. I'll feel sad tearing up the Archbishop Carrios of Greece picture up (that never got many laughs and to be honest isn't even the Archbishop) as well as all the other stuff. I'm keeping the Frankie Boyle beard though-forever.
By the way, a few of my quotes are on the comedy police website chortle in the ex daily mail man's review of the press night last week. They're press release quotes, I didn't do an interview with the two faced fuck even though he makes it looks like I did. I never spoke to the cunt all night despite him hanging round for a drink afterwards with everyone. Just setting the record straight there. I didn't make a scene or cause an argument because I'm a decent bloke and to be honest it's not in my interests to start behaving like an Olly Reed character or Erroll fuckin Flynn and jumping over bar tables to hit a ponse, I'm better than that. He's still barred from any Edinburgh show I do in the future though. However Robert Powell is very welcome, as is the Chester goalkeeper. In fact former camp radio 1 DJ Peter Powell is more welcome than chortly man.
This week is very quiet, but you never know in this job. Speak tomorrow.
TODAY'S BLOG IS SPONSORED BY THE TV TIMES AWARD FOR ACTING. ALWAYS WENT TO AN ACTOR ON AN ITV SHOW.
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