Do I do this blog first thing in the morning?!! I have all these great Chairman Mao type thoughts the night before and then I've forgotten them all by this time as I write this in my T shirt, boxers and socks after a bit of Shredded Wheat and toast. I can see that someone is building up a profile picture of me right now, well someone out of the huge amount of fuckers who read this by a simple process of elimination.

Yes it's a long while since I boasted about readership but it never fails to astound me. We're getting ALOT of hits for this daily angst and I can't really explain it. I hope it doesn't turn out to be my epitaph or a one where the Vicar/Minister/Robin Ince says at my funeral, 'as all of you know, he was most well known because of a daily blog he wrote on his website where he made scathing comments about Mark Watson and the feller who runs Chortle who used to write for the Daily Mail'. Actually I could live with that, well sort of not live because I'll be dead.

Bournemouth on Friday kind of summed up my job. A 700 mile round trip, a rough, choppy waters gig, someone being 'offended' and a body pumped full of Red Bull. I was on with Tiernan Douieb and Gareth Richards, two dear chaps but I didn't see much of them as I did my spot and then drove home. 

On stage I was doing my routine about being bitter and doing my bit about 'happy go lucky' John killing himself and 'bitter' Alan organising the funeral. Some tart, (she had next to fuck all on and had a look at me attitude) walked out and her parting shot was 'I knew someone called John who killed himself'. I just said 'as if I fuckin knew him' and carried on. Fortunately the crowd were on my side including all her friends that were an attractive bunch of women who laughed everytime I referenced that incident for the rest of my set. This turned the gig from an any port in a storm effort to something resembling a good one. I still didn't have all the room eg there was a bunch of lads where about three of them were reacting like it was their favourite film they were watching and another three that were looking at me like I'd pissed all over a baby.

No matter, Mick the owner and booker and all round nice feller was pleased so if I have another rogue Friday, I'll get myself to Bournemouth once again. Mind you I think my next free Friday is Good Friday so it's a while till I'll play the geriatric's place again.

Come on troops, get down to Assembly tonight. It's becoming my favourite gig and although the crowds are small, the crack is great and so are the audiences these days. Might see you later Newcastle readers (or indeed anyone in Tyne and Wear that fancies it). Rock on.

TODAY'S GIG IS SPONSORED BY ALAN GOWLING. 

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