Short and sweet as the teachers with chips on their shoulders would say. That's what this is and I'm not feeling guilty. I'm busy trying my best to fight the good fight with no help so I won't apologise for doing a shoddy blog once in a while.

More tickets sold for the Edinburgh show, thank you whoever you were yesterday, looks like a couple of different parties got themselves and others tickets. Let's hope all these early birds are decent audience members and not drunk fuckers snoozing in the front row.

Last night almost didn't go ahead and I was reluctantly going to have to cancel an Assembly show for the first time through a lack of audience. I reckoned that double figures was just a bit too much of a neighbourhood watch meeting. At the last moment just as we were climbing the stairs to leave, a group of ten what turned out to be fannies turned up. We had 18 and did the gig. Can't say it was good. It was telling when I was introduced and no one applauded, I went on to the music fading and no fuckin reaction. It was always going to be tough after that and after getting no jokes out through a lack of understanding on the part of some of them, I brought on Andy Clark, a very funny member of the new Newcastle comedy scene who got nixy reaction out of his subtle stuff. Fuck them Andy, they stared, some of them talked and they heckled with the most day centre of heckles all night. In fact if they'd liked you, then I would've worried.

After the break their attention span may have got a tad better. I say may have, I wasn't getting much back at all apart from when I was sort of insulting them. I brought on Dave Ward who, to be fair had a good gig. He worked very hard and was just about getting enough back to sanction another two minutes grace every time. It's like he was a probationer all the way through his twenty.

At least we've never cancelled but I never want to have a worse Assembly than that. Hopefully with the football done and the jubilee nonsense out the way, not to mention this and that festival every week in the toon because it wants to be something it fuckin isn't, we've got a chance to go upwards and onwards for the rest of the year. Here's hoping anyway. It's been a turbulent first few months but Assembly survives but only just.

Right you are, time to leave. Speak tomorrow.

TODAY'S BLOG IS SPONSORED BY UNITED REFORMED CHURCHES, WHAT DO THEY TALK ABOUT?

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